If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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