i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
