I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
