I'm pants shitting drunk right now
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
