I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
