Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
