i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
