You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
