You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
