does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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