Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
