drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
