You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
