Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize