i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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