It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
