I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize