just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
