My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
