just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
