I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
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Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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