Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
God I need to hump something, right now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize