I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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