we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
