If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
