she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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