I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
