Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
