i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
