I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
