maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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