Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
