Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
