i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
