Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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