So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
