u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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