i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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