peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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