"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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