I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
