Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize