Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
