She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
