Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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