Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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