I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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