it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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