i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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