So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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