Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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