her vagine was all disorganized.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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