Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
