fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
