I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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