Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
