Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
