If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
