I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
3pm strippers are depressing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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