i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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