I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
